i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
