I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
