He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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