Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
