I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
