I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your cock deserves a montage
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
