So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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