Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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