It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
