They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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