Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
