i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
