you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
