didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
