dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
