i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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