You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
