I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
