I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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