are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
