You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
