best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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