i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
