piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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