I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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