How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
