In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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