Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
