I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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