I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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