Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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