do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
