operation have a gay friend backfired
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
