Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
