booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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