The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
