So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
