Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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