And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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