i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm jealous of your bromance
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I checked into jail on foursquare
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
