i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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