Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm too high and old for this...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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