This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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