I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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