I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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