That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
