If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
