My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
