thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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