brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
