No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
