Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
