just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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