The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
