i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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