plz talk dirty to me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
