I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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