Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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