Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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