Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
