Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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