So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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