i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
