Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
