i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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