hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
