so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
