u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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