Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
