I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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