I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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