I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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