Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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