Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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