stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
