Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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