Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
