You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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