i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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