Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
