i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize