You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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