Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
