The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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