Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
4 words: hood of his car
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
