Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
