I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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